I remember the moment. I have told this story before, that was the moment I closed a difficult chapter on my life and opened a new one. I sat on the mountaintop, the place I had chosen to be my last place on this earth. Such a foreign thought to me now, a thought I wish desperately I could say I never thought. Without that truth, though, no one would have the entire story. And as I continue to write this chapter, you definitely need the entire story.
On thatsnowy day in March, I sat on a cliff writing a letter to my rapist. This cliff has a view over the valley in which my home sits. I have always had to hike over to this spot on my skis, out of bounds. In that place, I feel as though I can see and hear everything, and the world and all its problems seem to vanish. After those thoughts entered my brain I knew I needed help. I had been going to therapy because I knew there were things going on with me that I couldn't explain or have control over. As the clouds covered the sky and tears streamed down my face, I let go of the hold that had haunted me actively and in ways for the last twenty years that I wasn't aware of. As my hand dropped away from the paper as I wrote the last few words, I laid back in the snow and looked to the sky. As if I were playing out a movie, what happened is exactly how I would direct the scene. The clouds parted, and the sun broke through, and my eyes closed as I felt the beams of light come across the cliff. In that moment, God spoke very clearly to me. You will use your trauma for good. You will help others.
A sense of peace came over me, and after years of chasing a career and the next steps in "success" as we are designed to all of which never truly fulfilled me no matter how high on the ladder I reached, I found my purpose. Now, I wish a manual for what was next would have dropped out of the sky. I assure you, it did not. So I started building my website, saying yes to things WAY outside my comfort zone. Everything that has happened and the people that have come into my life is nothing short of a miracle. It was all by God's design. But as the year has progressed, I had a vague design of what this calling looked like. As the calendar kept changing, my purpose didn't, but my movement stalled. Every time I went to move on this dream, I couldn't figure out what that looked like. I knew an overall design of it, but I kept being delayed.
I kept moving my thoughts towards opportunities and connections with the people that came into my life. I said yes to a Bible Study that made some pieces start to transpire in my connections with women that have encouraged and prayed for me. And I realized in that time that I was not fully dependent on listening to God in what this plan looked like.
It was at the Hunting Expo that my life began to evolve towards its full purpose. Numerous people came into my life that weekend that have changed the course of my future. Meeting people and making connections with individuals who felt like they had always been there. People who would push me towards being a better person and unlock the potential in me, even on the days I didn't see it. People that know my dark moments and I know their's but that at times can be the rock that hold me to my purpose and my personal growth.
In April, I found myself seated at a dinner table in Park City, Utah, with a friend who deeply influenced me and my vision. It was during that moment that the vision began to take shape. Although I won't delve into the specifics of our entire discussion, I left with a renewed perspective. I gained insights into the reality of the world, the rarity of genuine connections, the essence of striving to be one's best self, and the significance of living a life that leaves a lasting impact. This experience altered my path, and I aspire for it to impact the paths of others as well. To me, that was the turning point that propelled me to start moving again.
Throughout the following month after April, the term "light" continued to resurface. If we don't resist, we risk being overwhelmed by the darkness prevalent in the world. It pervades everywhere, highlighting all the negativity and self-centeredness around us. Yet, amidst it all, I want to see and breathe positivity. The world is filled with immense beauty that deserves our attention. This realization led to the birth of The Light Ranch.
Next, I shared my idea with those four incredible women whose faces bring light to my sight and my life. They brought vitality to this purpose. They welcomed me and this journey, and I wouldn't be launching this today without them. Their calls, prayers, and encouragement have sustained me when I felt overwhelmed by this calling. Even after our trip to Total Archery Challenge, doubts still lingered. But I knew as the book my dear friend Nicole sent me, I was going to have to "do this afraid."
So I preceded with the standard state filings and I told God I need you to speak to me about this. So I sat in church on Sunday like I usually do but this day we had a guest speaker. The entire service was about being the light in this world. I mean.. seriously...could we get a clearer message. His verse he spoke around was Matthew 5:13-16, "You are the salt of the earth. But if the salt loses its saltiness, how can it be made salty again? It is no longer good for anything, except to be thrown out and trampled underfoot. You are the LIGHT of the world. A town built on a hill cannot be hidden. Neither do people LIGHT a lamp and put it under a bowl. Instead they put it on its stand, and it gives LIGHT to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your LIGHT shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven." In that moment I knew I had found my purpose in life and God had led me to this path.
So, what is The Light Ranch? This vision has not come into full fruition yet but we are headed there. The next step is to raise money to purchase a property, one that we are currently working towards. Here, we will run programs to help those who have faced trauma find healing through faith and the outdoors. The outdoors has been critical in my own healing, and I feel it is a key factor in finding a new sense of empowerment over your life. In that vision, there is a huge passion for fighting for those who can't fight for themselves, and that means helping those who have faced sex trafficking. At some point, we will have a portion of our property for housing that will work on the rehabilitation of those girls.
There is work to be done, a lot. This vision. This dream is bigger than me but it is not bigger than my God. Our message will be the same in person, through social or at The Light Ranch we must find a way to "BE THE LIGHT" in a world of darkness. Just think how far light can go when you light more than one candle. The power we can have in this world is undeniable if we choose to because, yes LIGHT will always overcome the darkness...
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